Daily Calm: Why 'don't be nervous' backfires

Daily Calm, from Central London Hypnotherapy

Most of us have tried it before a big moment: a firm inner voice saying "don't be nervous". A psychology article published this month, The more you tell yourself 'don't be nervous,' the more nervous you get?, gathers the research on why that instruction so often backfires, and what tends to work better.

What the research shows

The article leans on ironic process theory. When you order yourself not to feel something, part of the mind keeps checking whether the feeling is still there, and the checking keeps it in focus. In the experiments it describes, people who called their jitters excitement, instead of trying to settle them, did better at singing karaoke, giving speeches and solving maths problems.

It is a summary article, not a study, and it does not say how many people took part in each experiment. The backfire is a tendency rather than a rule, and most of the reframing work used tasks like public speaking.

Two routes out of nerves, compared

A profile of Team USA shooter Mary Tucker on the Olympics website (1 November) describes a different habit. She treats negative thoughts like a needy toddler: she notices them, gives them a moment of attention, then moves on. Both sources agree that fighting the feeling is the losing move. They differ in what comes next. Reframing changes the label on the racing heart, whereas Tucker's approach accepts the thought and sends attention back to the task. The profile is one athlete's account, read from its opening lines only, so it is an idea to test, not a finding.

Where this shows up in a London week

A pitch on the fortieth floor, a job interview, a best man's speech, a first session at a new gym. In each case the body speeds up because it is getting ready. Reading that signal as danger makes it louder. Reading it as readiness lets you use it.

What it means for you

Swap "calm down" for "I'm ready" or "I'm excited", said once and plainly.
Point your attention outward: the first line, the first question, the next shot.
Practise the new label in small moments, such as a phone call, before the day that matters.

How hypnotherapy helps

Hypnotherapy works with the feeling instead of against it. In sessions we rehearse the moment before the event, with your body alert and your attention on the task, until that pairing feels normal. The research behind this is encouraging. Pooling 17 controlled trials, a 2019 review found hypnosis brought anxiety down further than comparison conditions, and in a randomised trial on fear of public speaking, adding hypnosis to CBT improved results compared with CBT alone.

My name is Tim Dunton; I am a GHR-registered hypnotherapist with over two decades in practice and NLP training from Bandler and Grinder. If presenting is the trigger, see hypnotherapy for public speaking in London; for nerves more generally, read about hypnotherapy for anxiety.

Book a free consultation. Talk it over for 15 to 30 minutes, face to face or online: book your free consultation or phone 07975 653893.

The research

1. "The more you tell yourself 'don't be nervous,' the more nervous you get?", note (Mentalabo), 5 November 2026. https://note.com/mentalabo/n/n33e357a207d0?hl=en

2. Olympics.com, profile of Team USA shooter Mary Tucker, 1 November 2026 (olympics.com news).

3. Valentine KE et al, hypnosis as a treatment for anxiety, a meta-analysis, 2019. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31251710/

4. Schoenberger NE, Kirsch I et al, hypnotic enhancement of CBT for public speaking anxiety, Behavior Therapy, 1997. https://scholars.mssm.edu/en/publications/hypnotic-enhancement-of-a-cognitive-behavioral-treatment-for-publ-2/

Tags: anxiety · nerves · performance · research · London

Read more: hypnotherapy for anxiety in London. Or browse all Daily Calm posts.